ON Friday evening I was searching for the answer to my dwindling appetite.

A week of fast food was beginning to take its toll and I desperately needed help.

I thought redemption could come in the form of hot chicken fried according to a special secret Kentucky recipe.

And I wasn’t wrong.

After yet more chips on Friday night and an early morning sausage sandwich, a chicken burger accompanied by spicy relish and a hash brown was the perfect pick-me-up on Saturday afternoon.

Not that I needed picking up, having just watched Manchester United stumble to a humiliating 4-1 defeat at the hands of the most successful team in British football history. It must be so painful to always exist in our shadow.

However, I have to admit that by Monday morning I was more worried my feet would always be in the shadow of my stomach.

What I missed out on in terms of eating over the weekend (due to a slight hangover on Sunday) I made up in drinking and it was with some trepidation I made the trip to Warrington Hospital for my official weigh-in.

But it’s official: despite eating nothing but junk food, morning, noon and night for the last seven days my vital statistics have not changed!

Nursing assistant Linda McMullan discovered that my weight and body mass index were identical to last week and my pulse and blood pressure rates have barely altered at all.

The circumference of my waist may have increased by half an inch from 34.5 inches to 35 inches, but it is difficult to tell because it depends if the measurement is taken at exactly the same point between the hips and belly button.

I am still awaiting the results of my initial blood cholesterol and liver tests and I won’t know how they have been affected until the end of this experiment when I am re–tested. But for now while I may feel rubbish, the results say otherwise.

Yesterday I polished off pancakes, sausages and syrup and a hash brown, a ham, pepperoni, chicken and beef pizza and a tray of salt and pepper chips. Plus some sausages and San Miguel.

Today I have so far demolished a double sausage and egg muffin plus another hash brown and a foot long meatball and double cheese baguette.

Surely the scales can’t stay tipped in my favour for much longer!